Welcome Back!

Oh hey! Where have you been?
What? No! I've totally been posting for the past month.
YOU'RE the one who hasn't been here....

Okay, I guess you caught me. I've been a bad blog owner. But I'm back! I hope..

I've found myself staring at a blank new post screen many times over the past almost two months, but somehow or another my mind is whisked off in another direction. I'm sorry it's so been so long. School has really been a big weight on me, not to mention work. I end my days feeling bogged down and too tired to do anything. It really shouldn't impede my work. This is my job, and it's an important part of me. If I lose sight of it, I lose something of myself.

So let's do a bit of updating.
-School has been okay. It sucks cause it's school, but I still really enjoy my teachers. I have an exam and a paper due on Tuesday and I'm a bit worried about them. I just hope I can get it all done.
-Work has been awful. I'm so done with this job and it's only been two and a half months. Looking for other jobs already. I just really need something that is mentally challenging and satisfying. Yesterday, I spent a good hour looking up writing jobs. No luck. If you have anything, PLEASE send it my way!
-Our four year anniversary was this week. We spent the weekend before together, celebrating ang enjoying what little time we had before the real world decided to rear its ugly head again.

Alright, on to less boring things.

I have literally been craving activity lately. Exercise, writing, reading, photography, making videos. But I feel like I have no time to do the things I want to do, what I feel like I need to do in order to be happy and content and at least freaking satisfied.

Life is hard, y'all. And my life isn't even that hard, not compared to the reality of peoples lives out there. But I'm not diminishing what I see as hard, or what someone else sees. Everyone has their own version of what a hard life looks like.

ANYWAY, off that tangent.

The need to be doing something productive is hitting hard with me. But I can't start videos until I learn how to edit. And really I need a lot more time for that kind of thing. So it might have to wait until summer. I feel like I'm always saying that. But it is really something I want to do, so I think it will happen, one way or another.

The exercise thing I could totally be accomplishing on my own, but laziness and tiredness get in the way. When I do have the energy to do something good for myself, I don't because I want to relax instead of moving. Definitely a project for improving my self worth.

Writing and reading... That one I do all the time! I'm reading a book called My Paris Dream by Kate Betts, and I absolutely LOVE it. I raved about it on my Instagram. I'll probably do a post on it. I need to make posts for several books. Honestly it'd be easier just to video... I wonder if I'm able to just post my videos on here? That would be a good transition.. Then I don't have to be so wrapped up in what I want my channel to look like, cause I already have a feel and view of what my blog is. I can't believe I've never thought of that before... Hmm.
Oh yeah writing! I'm doing lots of that. I started a book recently, and I'm attempting to force myself to only write that. It's super hard. During the Halloween month, I kept getting distracted by ideas for witches. As soon as October was over, so was the witch thing. However, I recently stumbled across an old story of mine and holy crap! It wasn't bad. I was actually super impressed with my writing. It was the kind of sophisticated writing I wish I had now. Maybe my confidence is faltering. So I am working on both of those, the new story and the old one I discovered the other week.

Okay and the photography craving. I am actually going to take a photography class next semester! I'm super excited for it. Definitely going to learn more than I have ever known. Not much to say about it haha, just excited. Also! There's probably going to be a photo dump post soon. I really love the things I've captured, and I want to share them with my friends:)

Well, I'm not sure there's anything else to talk about. Not interested in discussing the Presidential Election. I'm mourning and hoping these next four years just fly by.

That's all for now.
Keep being fresh and tune in next week!
Kaylee



PS- I don't know if you have noticed, but besides spelling, I don't edit my posts. I don't have the patience. Stories? I'll edit those all day long. But there's something about a blog post and essays, I hate editing them. Okay bye!

Being Adult-ish

I think being an adult is probably one of the hardest things to do. Being a kid and being a teenager is pretty easy, or it can be sometimes. But since I've become an "adult," so many things have become so much harder. Even my anxiety has gotten worse. I cry at least once a day now, because of the pressures of acting like an adult, being an adult, taking care of responsibilities like an adult.

So we all remember that I just got a new job? Well, I was told I would be working four days a week, which would've been perfect, income-wise. So far I've worked three weeks, two of those I worked three days, and this week I've only worked two. I can't pay my phone bill till the 1st of July, and I'm not sure what's going to happen with my car payment. Also I have defensive driving stuff to take care of, which is not only more money, but more time that I simply don't have.

Now, I'm not saying I don't like being an adult, because I do. Honestly. The problem is transitioning. My mom and I never had that much money in the first place, but we always made it through our hardest situations. But I don't have her help out here, for several reasons. 1. Shecan't afford it. 2. I don't want to ask to her. 3. She already paid for everything for the first 18 years of my life, it's my turn to start paying. I'm 20 after all, and if I can't pay my own tickets, my car payments, or my phone bill, where will I be when I'm 25, or 30?

Being an adult is really fucking hard. Making payments, buying groceries and gas, making sure the pets are taken care of, making sure you're not spending money on stupid things. That's being an adult. Realizing you have responsibilities and that if you don't take care of them, no one will. It's welcoming the fact that you're on your own, not as a bad thing, but as a stepping stone to becoming a responsible human being.

I can barely pay my bills, but I am paying them. And someday I won't be struggling. Someday the budget on paper will work out as good in real life. But for now, I'll buckle up, find a second job, and plow through life as carefully as possible.

You guys stay fresh.
Kaylee

As I Watch the Clock Tick

Lame title, right? It's because that's exactly what I've been doing for almost three weeks. Sitting in Jon's apartment, waiting to hear back for jobs. Well I finally received my call for orientation today. I'll be beginning work at Ross tomorrow. Unfortunately, it's looking like that's not going to be enough income for me and my bills, so I'm also looking and applying for a second part-time job to cover my nights.

I'm very excited to start work, and finally get some retail experience under my belt. Plus I really miss doing something with my days. While it's nice to sleep the day away and watch Netflix all night, I really need something to keep me occupied. Plus if I'm making money, Jon and I can get started on transitioning our diets and menus into healthier food.

He already works noon to 9, so that's another reason I want a second job. So I have something to do while he's working. Being on the go constantly will hopefully be able to help with planning healthy food options, and preparing healthy dinners beforehand. I kinda want to be that healthy mom, even though I don't have a kid (except for the dog and cat). But Jon doesn't take care of himself food wise, so I need to.

I really want to be that person that plans out meals and writes them on the chalkboard for the week. And I feel like I could do that, but I need the money and the time, and the freaking patience. I want to be one of those women who actually does the projects she pins on Pinterest, and actually makes the recipes. I've done two recipes and a few projects, but I want my whole place to be an accumulation of my whole Pinterest career. If you want to check out my Pinterest and follow me there, here's the link: https://www.pinterest.com/kaylie153/.


Have a fresh night,
Kaylee

This is a Title

School started last Tuesday. For the past several weeks I have been extremely busy, preparing to come back to school, coming back to school, working, and figuring my life out. I've made some decisions about my future and I'm pretty nervous, but my family and my friends seem to support me, and they're encouraging me to do what makes me happy. I couldn't be more grateful.

I have five classes this semester, an English class, Human Development, College Algebra (again), and two theatre classes: Beginning Acting and Theatre Speech. I like my classes so far. The English one is gonna be a bit of a toughy though this semester. I really like my math teacher. The Human Development class is giving me the opportunity to volunteer at the library, and of course I love my theatre classes.

Work is okay. I'm annoyed though because I specifically asked not to work the weekends and they have me working Friday through Sunday. I guess I would be more mad if it wasn't good money. Luckily I got covered for my birthday, which is this Sunday. I'm going to be 20! I have to remember to change all the necessary bios around the inter-sphere.

I don't know when I'm going to see Jon again. The last time I saw him was January 3rd and I haven't found anyone to cover me for Valentine's weekend yet. I might be going to South Padre for Spring Break to see my cousin, but if that doesn't work out, I'll take the chance to see Jon instead. Then I have find someone to stay with back here so that I can work during the last bit of break.

I've been in much more of a positive mood lately. I still have trouble getting out of bed some days, but most I can get a move on and keep my energy focused on getting things done. Things seem to be getting better. Which could definitely be attributed to me deciding what I'm doing for the next two years.

That's all for now.
Kaylee

This is a Hard Week

So it's finals this week. Which means things are not good emotionally or mentally. I am preparing and studying right now for my political science exam tomorrow. I should've started studying a lot earlier today, but I was just not feeling it. First I felt physically sick, and then my head was so heavy. I stayed curled up in my bed until 2 this afternoon. Since then I've watched YouTube and tried to study. After this post goes up, I'll be back to actually studying. Wish me luck!

Most college students will tell you how hard finals week is. It's mentally and physically draining, leaving you feeling stressed and sick, just wishing for it to all be over so you can go home and curl up with your family. I know that when I get home Friday or Saturday, the first thing I'm doing is curling up on the couch with my mom and watching Netflix until I fall asleep. Then I'll sleep until Christmas.

My Christmas break is about a month, though it's shorter this year than last. I go home this weekend (I haven't started packing yet) and I'll be there until the Sunday after Christmas day. Jon and I are still trying to figure out what we're doing for the holiday, but he only has three days home so it's hard to decide what we're going to do. On that Sunday, I'll be driving out to San Marcos to spend a week with him. I'm mostly going because my mom will be visiting her family and I don't want to stay at the house. After New Year's I'll come back and spend the rest of my time with friends. Then I'm coming back to school as soon as the dorms open so that I can work a couple days before school starts.

Though finals can be a really tough time, it's important to stay confident and stay calm. Find the people and things that make you happy and focus on them when you get upset or stressed. For me, I have YouTube, Jon, and my friends... and my mom of course. I also try to focus on writing and reading because they always have a way of making me feel better, taking me to a whole other world where I don't have to worry about exams and packing and dealing with people in general.

Good luck to everyone else going through exams right now, or that recently went through them. Believe in yo fresh self.

Kaylee

This Week We Discuss Books.

I've tried over a hundred times to write a blog post, but nothing would come to me. It was like the energy to create just didn't exist for a while. But, while my writing has been on the fritz, my reading and photographing muses have been singing. At Christmastime, I started rereading one of my favorite book series of all time: The Gemma Doyle Trilogy, by the all-powerful Libba Bray.

http://libbabray.com/

This would be the first time I've read these books again, since I was in seventh grade. That's nearly seven years! It took me from Christmas until this past weekend to finish the first one, which is only 400 pages long! I imagine it took so long for several reasons: I got bored (hard for me to admit), I had school and sorority, and I was busy being with my boyfriend. Luckily, I did finish the damned thing and moved onto the sequel (600 pages), Saturday. I finished that this morning and then proceeded to grab the last book off my shelf (800 pages).

It's also very interesting that I'm reading this (my favorite book series) at the beginning of the semester, because last fall, I reread my second favorite book series, by a talented Mrs. Rosemary Clement-Moore (https://readrosemary.wordpress.com/). Who I actually have met! Almost all of the books that I own by her (which is nearly all the YA books she's published) are signed (in person!) copies.

Both of these women writers, Bray and Clement-Moore, are my role models. They're beautiful, strong, courageous, and they write in such a fashion and in such lines that I wish to be the main character. Not to give spoilers, but both series revolve around a young girl who has just discovered powers inside herself that she's not sure how to control. In Bray's trilogy, Gemma is a young girl (just turned 16) who was raised in Victorian era British-ruled India, but pretty soon in the book is moved to England for school. Clement-Moore's books detail a slightly older girl named Maggie who attends a present day high school. Both girls must battle demons, while facing rocky friendships, growing up, and finding out who they truly are (and romancing hot guys).

I love these books with all my heart. If posting this gets anyone out there interested in either the authors or the books, great! I would feel more than accomplished at getting these authors' names out there and these wonderful books noticed. Read them! Follow them! Live the lives of two young girls just trying to make their way through this cruel and craggy world. I love books, y'all!

That's it, rant over.
Kaylee

PS- I got a job!

Soon it Ends

I'll be leaving for school tomorrow and I'm so totally mixed up about it. While it's exciting to be headed back to Nac, and to see all my friends again, I'm definitely gonna miss home. It's hard being away from everybody, especially my mom. But at the same time, it'll be nice to be away from her for a little bit.

I had lunch with my brother, sister-in-law, and niece today. When we said our goodbyes I almost cried. Home is where my family is, and while I have a new family in Nac and a lot of friends, these are the most important people in my life. Split between my family, my friends, and my boyfriend, I wish I could us all on an island and pretend it's normal. I'm excited for dorm life, sorority, and school, I swear... but nothing beats sitting at home with my mom and Jon.

Speaking of, boyfriend and I have been on crazy terms recently. We've fought a lot. He started classes on Monday, and is working his new job. It's like I never talk to him anymore. It's been really hard trying to stay positive when I miss him so much and am feeling abandoned. He's decided I'm gonna drive out to him during labor day weekend. He said he'd pay for my gas so I couldn't help but agree. But god, I miss him so much. I cry almost every day because it's so hard being away from him. Every chance I get to see him I'm going to take. I can't wait for summer to come back around.

Hopefully getting a job in Nac won't take too long. I'm gonna apply to any and every place, especially places where I already have friends. I have to have a job this semester with mom and I having car payments and insurance. It's going to be hard and I have to put off theatre again, but I know I could use the job force experience.

When it comes to school, I'm most excited for my English class. While the topic isn't the best, I heard my teacher absolutely loves what he teaches, and he's amazing. That's really important to me when it comes to teachers. If they don't love what they do, or aren't visibly enjoying what they're teaching, I hate the class. I want someone to teach me who likes what they're doing, and better yet, adores it beyond anything. I guess I like that so much, because that's the kind of teacher I want to be. Nothing inspires students more, than the teachers who love what they're doing.

Y'all stay fresh y'all.
Kaylee

26 Days Later...

I don't know why it takes me so long to get back to this freaking blog. I completely blame Jon. I haven't been able to secure a job yet, but Jon has a second interview on Friday morning. Positive thoughts and vibes please! We could really use the money.

My mom and I have decided to sell my car and use the money to put down on a newer car. So if any of y'all are interested in a '96 Lexus with a few problems, please let me know!-_- I know the car I want but I'm nervous that my car won't get a bid or that no one will be interested. I mean it's a great car, it drives beautifully, and the A/C is God's gift to Texas, but there are just things wrong with it that I'm not able to fix, things I can't afford to fix.

We've also been looking at places for Jon. We're going to actually see with our eyes some places tomorrow. He found a 1 Bed/1 Bath for cheap and a studio that isn't too bad. We were really hoping to get in on his friends' duplex since they just moved into a bigger house, but his roommates have decided to go somewhere else, so he's left looking for somewhere cheap but comfortable.

Our eating habits haven't been too bad since I moved in, but not moving around much, or working, or even simply leaving the house has left the both of us gaining weight from laziness. This week we decided to start working out, but haven't started yet. But I feel positive we'll start soon. Neither of us are feeling good about ourselves, and I think that will help with motivation.

Okay, well that's all my news. Have a good night!

Looking Up?

So last week kinda sucked. If you read my post, you know why. This week however, things might be looking up. I have gotten two responses for jobs. One is a nanny gig and the other is a clothing store. While the nanny job would pay more, and probably be loads more fun, I think the job will be during the school year, and I won't be here during that time. But the clothing store job will still be cool. And hopefully I'll get a discount.

Jon is still looking. We're hoping for a manager position at the movie theater, but if that doesn't work out, I have a lot of jobs saved for him to apply to. Now it's just a matter of him actually doing it.

I'm hoping either one of the jobs works out. I need it, and I'm tired of being afraid that we don't have enough for food or gas, or even a little for fun.

I've also been down on myself a lot more recently. I can tell I've gained weight, and it isn't helping with my already low view of myself. There's a gym in the apartment but I don't feel comfortable going alone, and he'd never go with me. The only thing he wants to do is walk but that does nothing for me. I need actual exercising and work outs. But he doesn't understand that.

Sorry for cutting it short, but the writing bug just has not bitten me today.

Have a good night.