Yo It's a Post

Well school starts for me in just under a week. I’m only taking three classes, and only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. One of my classes I actually share with one of my closest friends. We’re already making plans to eat breakfast together before class and work out together during the second part of class. I’m also taking Biology and Texas Government.

I’ve started missing SFA a lot more within the past week. My mom and I keep expecting me to start packing up and leave for school on Friday. It’s going to be pretty weird this semester, staying at home, only going part time, and trying to work as much as possible.

Guys I really don’t have much to say. That’s why this post is late. I have had no idea what to write about. I guess the most important thing that has happened is that I finally have a possible name for my anger management problem.

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). I’ve known that I have anger problems for a couple years and my mom accepted it summer before freshman year of college. We had talked a little about therapy and medication, for my anxiety and the anger, but I didn’t want medication and I wasn’t remembering to go to my appointments at SFA. I looked up IED and read the symptoms to both my mom and Jon (at different times), and they both agreed that it sounded like me when I got angry. If anyone’s interested in knowing what I’m like or how I act when I get angry, you can read the symptoms on Mayo Clinic’s website.

Anyway, my mom and I are going to be looking into finding a new doctor for me in this area, and eventually getting a referral for a psychologist or a psychiatrist in order to do a full psych evaluation. I’d like to know exactly what’s up in my head. Eventually it could lead to medication and hopefully temper my problems.

And besides those awesome things, I binged and finished Bates Motel on Netflix. They only had three seasons, but I can’t wait for the fourth one to be added. Also I re-watched Teen Wolf on Amazon Prime. They have all seasons that are currently out, which is five. Before I went to SFA, I watched what they had of the show on Netflix, which was only two seasons. It’s been nice. For an MTV show, I think it’s pretty awesome. The acting is great, the cinematography is great, and the plots are interesting. I love it. Before yesterday, I was getting through a season a day. I mean that’s only 10 to 12 episodes a day, but still.

Okay, well that’s all I have for now. I’ll update late next Thursday after all my classes. Speaking of, because my classes are Tuesdays and Thursdays and run late, I’m going to have to change the update day again. I’m thinking Sunday nights will make the most sense. I’ll wait until the beginning of September before I decide on a new day.

Okay, byeeeee.

Kaylee

In Which I Question My Life

I’m sitting in my towel, listening to the Panic! radio station on Spotify, and contemplating life. Also I just sent out a really angst worthy tweet questioning why we don’t do everything we can while we’re here. Which is exactly what this post is going to be about. Except all about me, not the human race.

Today, someone I went to high school with just announced she’ll be starting Flight Attendant training soon. Congrats to her. And as I continued scrolling through Facebook, I found another friend from high school who had shared a super cute picture of her and a friend in their Attendant uniforms. I hadn’t even realized she was a flight attendant, but now her posts from all over the states and England make sense. Without thinking too hard about it, I sent a message her way asking about what airline she worked for, and she graciously responded she would send me an email later detailing the pros and cons about the job. I shortly began researching what to do to become a Flight Attendant, as well as taking a gander at the airlines that the girls work for.

Now you’re probably wondering, “You did this all in a towel?”

No, I didn’t. After starting my research, I took a break so I could take a shower. During the shower I started thinking of the show Pan AM and about how cute a book series I could make with a 50s/60s era flight attendant and her adventures (her name is Annie and she signs her name with a heart over the ‘i’). And then I started thinking about the research, which got me excited cause research is awesome, and then my brain went, “What better research is there than actually doing that job?”

I realized then why I had emailed my friend and why I was doing research on the companies, and even why Annie was a thought in my head. I want to do that. I want to see the world and the country and meets lots of people and just travel. Maybe not as a flight attendant, but in some capacity.

Now it wasn’t some big epiphany, cause honestly, I’ve always known I wanted to travel the world. But as I stood in front of the mirror and settled my glasses back onto my nose, I questioned myself, “Why not do everything while you can?”

Why not travel? Because I don’t have the money.

Well you just gotta work for a savings and you’re set.

Why not write a book? Because I’m not focused enough.

Set a word count or page amount for every other day, two months later you could have half a book or a whole book.

Why not start a YouTube? I’m shy, I have nothing to say, no one will watch me.

They all thought that and look how far some of them have come.

Why not do the things you want?

Because I’m scared.

Ah. That’s why I won’t do everything I want. Because of fear. But that can’t be an excuse forever.

College is very important to me, but so is living my life. All I think about is finishing school so I can start my life, but why hasn’t it already started? I’m 20 years old, I should have some great memories, and I do. But not all the ones I want. I want so much more from this world, and I could achieve it if I just tried.

I want to finish college someday. But maybe for now I should just finish my associates and start chasing those dreams. I can write and travel without a degree, I’ve known that forever, but I’ve been too afraid to actually pursue it. Well now’s the time. Now is the time to start following and chasing my dreams, anyway I can. No matter what it costs me.

But I have to ask my mom.

Kaylee