Monday, April 18, 2016

Exciting News!!!!

So I have some exciting news! I'm adopting a dog! Her name is Cassidy, she's a German Shepard mix, and she's one and half years old. She's a sweet baby and I'm so grateful that I get to be the one who becomes her forever home. I am so excited for this adventure. I will have two babies, and I know it's going to be amazing. 

I got the call this morning from the Humane Society in Lufkin. She told me my application was approved and I'm going to get her tomorrow! Shout out to the Winnie Berry Humane Society of Angelina County. They run a wonderful organization that takes adoption very seriously. Their adoption fees include vaccinations and a microchip. They also call your Vet to make sure the pet is being taken to get their vaccs and heart worm prevention. They take animals health so seriously. I feel honored and proud that I was chosen to get to take her home. 

Cassidy was a seizure dog. Basically this means she was taken from the home she lived in because they were not taking care of her. She isn't completely potty-trained either. The fact she was seized from her home makes the fact they chose me even more amazing. They were making it a priority that the home she went to was one where she wouldn't be given up again or not being taken care of. 

I'm just so happy I get to have her as my dog. It's an amazing feeling. 

Sorry this is so short. I just wanted to gush about my dog. 
Kaylee


Sunday, April 10, 2016

Anxiety

I've talked about my anxiety before. The anxiety, the depression, and how those things make me feel. But I've never really discussed how my anxiety effects me, how I react to it, or what the results of an attack are. Everyone experiences their anxiety in different ways. If someone is prone to anxiety attacks, their attacks will effect them differently and they'll react differently from someone else. This is an important topic and something that is very close to me and effects me as a person. 

Besides my anxiety, I have pretty bad anger management issues. From my experience, my anxiety tends to exasperate my anger. I get upset about something messing up, not going my way, or something I just can't wrap my head around, and my anger gets the best of me. Depending on how much it effects me, I will tend to have bouts of screaming, I've scratched myself, pulled my hair, thrown things and slapped myself and other objects in my rage. And while all of that anger is happening, I'm also hyperventilating, crying, and my brain is going a millions miles a minute. My anxiety can get so out of control it triggers the anger in order to gain some kind of control. If I'm angry, I should be in control, right? 

On Saturday, halfway through my regular shift, I began to panic. It was over something really stupid, a misunderstanding between Jon and me. As I became more anxious I started to get angry. The first panic attack ended because I dug my nails into my arm until I could breathe. The second one I wasn't able to end, even though I left red scratch marks on my neck and pulled my hair. The pain can usually snap me out of things, force me to calm down and breathe. I don't condone self harm as a viable method for calming yourself down. But it wasn't until something funny happened in the store that allowed me to laugh and forget what I was so upset about. 

I decided to share about my anxiety because it's a huge part of who I am. Even if it's not something I love or would even like to live with, it's a part of me and I must deal every day with it. It's important for people to know there are others out there who struggle like they do. I struggle every day to keep myself calm, and I wish I had someone I could talk to openly about my anxiety and anger, but I just don't have time to see a counselor now.

I've gotten the suggestion of pills, someone even specifically asked me to talk to my doctor, but I don't want to. I don't want to rely on a pill to make me feel better, to keep me from panicking and getting angry. That control should come from me. Even if it's really hard. 

I hope there are people out there who can relate to this and will find some comfort that they're not alone. If anyone has questions or just wants to talk, feel free to message me through Google+. 

Thanks guys,
Kaylee


PS- I am going to start the process of setting up a blog email for questions and things of that nature. I don't want to use my google email for blog business. 

Monday, April 04, 2016

New Post

I'm supposed to have a post out today. I didn't realize I was so far behind. Last week's post was mostly just a way for me to get some feelings out. The last actual post was on the seventh of March and then I had two vacations.

For spring break I went to South Padre Island to visit my cousin. It was pretty fun. I spent time with my cousin, her boyfriend, and a little bit with her mom. We mostly just hung out, went to the beach, and tried to find some kind of party every night. We weren't always successful. I was just happy to spend time with her.

For Easter break I went to Jon's. We spent almost the entire weekend in the apartment. Thursday and Friday he worked, but on Saturday we went into Austin so we could go to IKEA and do some shopping. Sunday was a lazy day. We spent it with our butts on the couch. It was nice getting some time with him. 

April is going to be a lot of working. This week I work five days in a row. I haven't worked that consistently in a long time. I'm not looking forward to it. It's going to be hard and tiring. And the weekend after I'm switching shifts around with someone and I have auditions for my Beginning Acting class. But then the glorious weekend of the 22nd-24th. I'm working Thursday, but I'll be going home for the weekend cause I have a party. I was originally going to go see my best friend that weekend but my aunt was asking me to come, and my other aunt is possibly bringing me furniture. I'll also get to see Jon for a day. It'll be the one and only day I see him between March 27th and a week after school gets out. Almost two months. 

I really don't have much to say. This is just kind of a catch up from the last few weeks. I'd still like to do an analysis of Howl's Moving Castle, but I'm going to need some time for that. I just don't have it in me right now. Maybe in a couple weeks. 

That's all for now. 
Stay fresh ya dorks. 
Kaylee