This is angry.

Guys, I'm sorry it's been so long. I'm actually not going to share this one on Facebook cause I'm not in the mood to get advice and friendly reminders from family. 

I'm tired. I still have two textbooks to buy, my phone bill is late, and my car payment is coming up. And I found out I'm not getting my first paycheck until next week, even though I've worked for two weeks and everyone else got paid today. It's also the day after my car payment is due and they don't allow extensions. 

I hate money. 

I'm not going to get all political, but man am I freaking angry about capatilism right now. I'm so down in money, I've been looking into getting a loan. I have $2 in my bank account for the next week. Oh, and I need gas. 

I don't care if I sound like a whiny brat. I'm pretty sure I have a right to when my job isn't paying me when they're supposed to. 

I'm done. This is all I have to say. I was going to write a nice fluffy piece about my life and my job, but I'm too angry so you're getting this unedited thing. 

This is as pure a window into my life as it can get. 

A Confusing Time

Okay, so I know I told you guys I was going to talk about classes and stuff, but that's boring. Here's the gist: classes are good, I can't afford books, I'm scared of government, and I'm working out! Also I have a job now! Alright, the catch up is done. But the blog isn't over yet!

I decided I wanted to talk about emotional stuff. 

My mom and I are on the road to her aunt's in West Texas, and you know how some songs just make you really think about life? Well we listened to several of those. 

I just feel really lost when it comes to the future right now. I have so many different avenues running through my head and I'm not sure which path is the right one. I don't think I've ever been this confused about anything. There are just so many things to do in life and I don't want to miss out on any of it. And I'm terrified that one path or another will prevent me from doing what I want. But if another path ruins my life? Or isn't enough? What if I'm not happy with what I choose?

I still really want to go to university, but I'm at the point where I don't know if now is the right time to. I feel like I could try to do the big things I want now, and get back to my degree at a later date. Or do I get my degree over with and then take a couple years to do awesome things? But what if I run out of time while finishing school? 

There are just so many consequences to whatever I choose. How do I know if it's the right one? A feeling? Will I feel happy?

And what would I do with my self if I didn't go to school? Well, I'd want to travel and write and document my time, via YouTube and blogs and magazines and online travel sites. And that's awesome, I think. But where's an income? The article I turn in once a month? But without a degree i won't be getting much. I could publish a book. But what about while I'm writing? I don't even want to get my degree in journalism! I did at one point. But I've infatuated myself with the idea of being the female Indiana Jones, except less fights, more academia. 

I just don't know. It's just such a baffling and staggering thing to admit. That I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. And I want so badly to focus on the now, but I'm just not that person. I'm a future person. Always have been. 

If anyone has any advice at all, please share. I could really use it. 

Kaylee