This is a Title

School started last Tuesday. For the past several weeks I have been extremely busy, preparing to come back to school, coming back to school, working, and figuring my life out. I've made some decisions about my future and I'm pretty nervous, but my family and my friends seem to support me, and they're encouraging me to do what makes me happy. I couldn't be more grateful.

I have five classes this semester, an English class, Human Development, College Algebra (again), and two theatre classes: Beginning Acting and Theatre Speech. I like my classes so far. The English one is gonna be a bit of a toughy though this semester. I really like my math teacher. The Human Development class is giving me the opportunity to volunteer at the library, and of course I love my theatre classes.

Work is okay. I'm annoyed though because I specifically asked not to work the weekends and they have me working Friday through Sunday. I guess I would be more mad if it wasn't good money. Luckily I got covered for my birthday, which is this Sunday. I'm going to be 20! I have to remember to change all the necessary bios around the inter-sphere.

I don't know when I'm going to see Jon again. The last time I saw him was January 3rd and I haven't found anyone to cover me for Valentine's weekend yet. I might be going to South Padre for Spring Break to see my cousin, but if that doesn't work out, I'll take the chance to see Jon instead. Then I have find someone to stay with back here so that I can work during the last bit of break.

I've been in much more of a positive mood lately. I still have trouble getting out of bed some days, but most I can get a move on and keep my energy focused on getting things done. Things seem to be getting better. Which could definitely be attributed to me deciding what I'm doing for the next two years.

That's all for now.
Kaylee

Some Stuff

Welp, life is kinda weird right now. I'm in this place where school is really on the rocks and I'm seriously questioning my path in life. I've been contemplating my major, my college, and all that fun stuff. My mom is trying to support me but you know how older people are. She just wants me to have a job when I graduate, she doesn't care if it doesn't follow along with my dreams.

Right now I'm an English major with teaching and a theatre minor. At this point in my life, I don't want to be a teacher. I haven't wanted to be a teacher since I was in tenth grade, but I did it because that's what my mom would want. Now I'm thinking about architecture and interior design. You know that show Fixer Upper? Yeah, that's what I want to do. Remodel old houses and buildings. Of course, I still want to write. Write everything and anything.

But I don't know what to do. There is only one school that does all three things I want. But it's in Georgia and it's an arts school. And the more I think about leaving the English department at SFA and leaving the sorority, the more sad it makes me. But it also makes a lot of fucking sense for my life right now. I'm not sure at all what I want to do or what decision to make. I wish my mom and Jon would speak up more about their opinions.

Anyway, my YouTube channel isn't happening for a while. Jon and I didn't film anything, but I'm also looking into a new laptop, which means I can do my own videos. Before I can even get a new laptop though I have to get an external hard drive to put all the important shit on this laptop so I don't lose my stuff.

Also, you probably noticed I didn't post last week. I was with Jon, and I was just trying to focus on my boyfriend and spending time with him. I'm not going to see him again until Valentine's Day so I just wanted to be with him. It was kinda a hard week, we fought a lot, but I think it was all good. We were able to talk about, and deal with things that are important to each other and the relationship. Hopefully we can make it through this next month, but I know it's going to be hard.

That's it for now guys. See ya next week!

This is a Hard Week

So it's finals this week. Which means things are not good emotionally or mentally. I am preparing and studying right now for my political science exam tomorrow. I should've started studying a lot earlier today, but I was just not feeling it. First I felt physically sick, and then my head was so heavy. I stayed curled up in my bed until 2 this afternoon. Since then I've watched YouTube and tried to study. After this post goes up, I'll be back to actually studying. Wish me luck!

Most college students will tell you how hard finals week is. It's mentally and physically draining, leaving you feeling stressed and sick, just wishing for it to all be over so you can go home and curl up with your family. I know that when I get home Friday or Saturday, the first thing I'm doing is curling up on the couch with my mom and watching Netflix until I fall asleep. Then I'll sleep until Christmas.

My Christmas break is about a month, though it's shorter this year than last. I go home this weekend (I haven't started packing yet) and I'll be there until the Sunday after Christmas day. Jon and I are still trying to figure out what we're doing for the holiday, but he only has three days home so it's hard to decide what we're going to do. On that Sunday, I'll be driving out to San Marcos to spend a week with him. I'm mostly going because my mom will be visiting her family and I don't want to stay at the house. After New Year's I'll come back and spend the rest of my time with friends. Then I'm coming back to school as soon as the dorms open so that I can work a couple days before school starts.

Though finals can be a really tough time, it's important to stay confident and stay calm. Find the people and things that make you happy and focus on them when you get upset or stressed. For me, I have YouTube, Jon, and my friends... and my mom of course. I also try to focus on writing and reading because they always have a way of making me feel better, taking me to a whole other world where I don't have to worry about exams and packing and dealing with people in general.

Good luck to everyone else going through exams right now, or that recently went through them. Believe in yo fresh self.

Kaylee

Soon it Ends

I'll be leaving for school tomorrow and I'm so totally mixed up about it. While it's exciting to be headed back to Nac, and to see all my friends again, I'm definitely gonna miss home. It's hard being away from everybody, especially my mom. But at the same time, it'll be nice to be away from her for a little bit.

I had lunch with my brother, sister-in-law, and niece today. When we said our goodbyes I almost cried. Home is where my family is, and while I have a new family in Nac and a lot of friends, these are the most important people in my life. Split between my family, my friends, and my boyfriend, I wish I could us all on an island and pretend it's normal. I'm excited for dorm life, sorority, and school, I swear... but nothing beats sitting at home with my mom and Jon.

Speaking of, boyfriend and I have been on crazy terms recently. We've fought a lot. He started classes on Monday, and is working his new job. It's like I never talk to him anymore. It's been really hard trying to stay positive when I miss him so much and am feeling abandoned. He's decided I'm gonna drive out to him during labor day weekend. He said he'd pay for my gas so I couldn't help but agree. But god, I miss him so much. I cry almost every day because it's so hard being away from him. Every chance I get to see him I'm going to take. I can't wait for summer to come back around.

Hopefully getting a job in Nac won't take too long. I'm gonna apply to any and every place, especially places where I already have friends. I have to have a job this semester with mom and I having car payments and insurance. It's going to be hard and I have to put off theatre again, but I know I could use the job force experience.

When it comes to school, I'm most excited for my English class. While the topic isn't the best, I heard my teacher absolutely loves what he teaches, and he's amazing. That's really important to me when it comes to teachers. If they don't love what they do, or aren't visibly enjoying what they're teaching, I hate the class. I want someone to teach me who likes what they're doing, and better yet, adores it beyond anything. I guess I like that so much, because that's the kind of teacher I want to be. Nothing inspires students more, than the teachers who love what they're doing.

Y'all stay fresh y'all.
Kaylee

Time to Talk

Well I'm home. I've certainly missed it, especially my little puppy. It's great being home, but I'm sure gonna miss spending my summer with my boyfriend in our own little place. Jon is still home, at his mom's, but he'll be going back Wednesday morning with a moving truck and a bunch of furniture from his grandparents. I don't even know what I'm gonna when he leaves. He means so much to me and helps me out so much with my anxiety and my depression... It's just gonna be really hard not being by his side every day, like I was during the summer. I guess I just gotta learn to readjust all over again.

So I have a few weeks home before I gotta go back to school. Remember back in the day when I was trying to sell my car? Well... that didn't happen. So instead we started looking at dealerships online. Luckily I found one right away. It was a 2004 Honda, a hatchback like what I wanted, and looked super cute. It was also affordable for my mom and I. Unfortunately, it had over 150,000 miles and the dealership people weren't very friendly. But I did really like the car, so we started talking numbers. Well it turned out that the dealership wouldn't be willing to help us with financing, so as we sat waiting on the guy to bring us more information, I looked up another dealership.

This turned out to be a great idea. Online I found a 2003 Ford that was $200 cheaper and had almost 20,000 less miles. So we headed over to that dealer and test drove it . It was horrible. It was kinda small, it shook, and and the brakes were scary slow to stop the car. I hated it. I was scared to drive it when we took it out. So the guy took us around the lot to look at cars. My mom and I decided on the same one. It's a 2004 Dodge Durango. It's huge, it's pretty, and it only has 98,000 miles on it. The biggest problems with it were the price (almost $10,000) and gas mileage (14/19 -_-). However, after sitting down and talking numbers with this dealership, we not only got the price down, but the payments ended up being exactly $1 less than what mom wrote down that we could afford. Everything is turning out perfect, and if everything goes right, we'll be picking up the car tomorrow (Wednesday). So please send positive thoughts, vibes, and prayers.

Tomorrow I'll be saying goodbye to my love for over a month, I'll be starting a new journey with a new car, and I'll be taking time to start organizing and packing for college. Even though I don't want to do it, it's the best thing to do. Wish me luck as I start on my pile of stuff!

Peace out nerds;)
Kaylee

Snowcones and Writing Block

As it is summer (though very near the end), and I am a sensible person, snowcones are THE way to celebrate not being in school. Since summer began, I've had exactly one snowcone and it was earlier this week. It was also possibly the best snowcone I've ever had. There's this lot of food trucks in downtown, including one called Mambo Ice, where we got my snowcone. They're a little pricey and kinda surrounded by honey bees, but the product is top notch. I got a Blueberry Daiquiri (no alcohol of course), and it turned my mouth blue. The flavor was totally worth it.

Besides snowcones and being a few days late on the blog, we finally found a place. It's a little on the expensive side for him, but the space is nice and really close to campus. It's gonna be an adjustment, but I think it could really be worth it. Before we settled on that place, we were looking at a cheap efficiency with two rooms, a small kitchen, and small bathroom. Despite not being a lot of space, the place had charm. I think for a girl and her pet, it could be great. Honestly I kinda wish I coulda lived in the place by myself with my dog. I feel like I could have turned the place into a nice hovel for me and my baby.

My writing mood is horrible. Every day I want to write, but when I actually get up the enthusiasm to pull Word up, nothing comes out. Probably the same reason I can't get these posts out on time. Nothing flows through my head onto the page. I wish this writing block would just go away.

I miss writing and inventing characters and just... I don't know, I guess creating. It'd be nice to even just start writing on an old piece. I'd love to actually just finish something.

Guess my goal before end of summer is have another snowcone from Mambo Ice, and maybe just finish (or start) another story. But I guess we'll have to see...

That is all. Kaylee.

Sorry

I know it's been quite a while since I last posted anything. Life has sent me through quite a lot of twists and turns recently. I somehow made it through my freshman year of college unscathed except by my own human stupidity. I won't reveal my grades, except for two: English and US History, in which both I got an A. So I'm very proud of those grades, though everything else makes them basically obsolete. I'm mad at myself, but I already went over that in another post.

So life is really hard right now. Just over a week ago I officially moved in with Jon for the summer. While it's been great being here, the trip here, the arguments, and the lack of jobs/money, hasn't been wonderful.

I was only an hour in on my trip down here when I hit something in the road and blew out two of my tires. The money I had earned working with my dad ended up going to pay for two new tires and a lugnut key for my tires since my original one was broken. Which everyone found surprising... but not me, because the car is almost 20 years old and falling apart. Nothing can be right on it.

The arguments have been plenty, however they're not nearly as bad as they could be. For the first week, we fought every day, but they've died down immensely. I'm happy here, with him and the kitty. Although there is a possibility of us having to move because his apartment people suck. Apparently, if you don't resign your lease immediately after they give notice (even if your lease isn't up until August), they open your room up for other people to move into at the beginning of the new lease cycle. It's very annoying. I just got everything moved in, and now we may have to pack everything back up again.

Jobs wise, I've applied to about 10 and am now just waiting and hoping for something to happen. His end of the search has been slower, but he did go out and apply at the movie theater. Please send good vibes and positive thoughts our way. I know I'd really appreciate it.

Well that's iIcan say for now. it's super late and I unfortunately do need sleep to process.

Sleep tight and stay fresh,
Kaylee

I don't know what to do. It's like when we're in person, everything is great and wonderful. But if we aren't around each other, if we're those four and a half hours apart, nothing is the same. It's all gone. The emotions, the feelings, the love. It's like it disappeared right under our fingertips.

I want to love him. I want him to love me. And I want to be together more than anything. But all this time apart feels like it's tearing us apart.

Sometimes I have a hard time even telling him I love him anymore. Cause I feel like he doesn't see it or doesn't read it. I don't to feel like that. But it happens every day.

I'm trying to figure out if I should tell him or just keep it to myself. It's so hard to understand and I don't want to hurt him, but I have to do something. I can't continue to feel like this. It's horrible and driving me crazy. I'm tired of crying and being scared all the time. I just want things to be okay. I want things to be nice and normal and back to regular. I don't want to feel like it's going away or fading out. I want to feel that love forever.