Welcome Back!

Oh hey! Where have you been?
What? No! I've totally been posting for the past month.
YOU'RE the one who hasn't been here....

Okay, I guess you caught me. I've been a bad blog owner. But I'm back! I hope..

I've found myself staring at a blank new post screen many times over the past almost two months, but somehow or another my mind is whisked off in another direction. I'm sorry it's so been so long. School has really been a big weight on me, not to mention work. I end my days feeling bogged down and too tired to do anything. It really shouldn't impede my work. This is my job, and it's an important part of me. If I lose sight of it, I lose something of myself.

So let's do a bit of updating.
-School has been okay. It sucks cause it's school, but I still really enjoy my teachers. I have an exam and a paper due on Tuesday and I'm a bit worried about them. I just hope I can get it all done.
-Work has been awful. I'm so done with this job and it's only been two and a half months. Looking for other jobs already. I just really need something that is mentally challenging and satisfying. Yesterday, I spent a good hour looking up writing jobs. No luck. If you have anything, PLEASE send it my way!
-Our four year anniversary was this week. We spent the weekend before together, celebrating ang enjoying what little time we had before the real world decided to rear its ugly head again.

Alright, on to less boring things.

I have literally been craving activity lately. Exercise, writing, reading, photography, making videos. But I feel like I have no time to do the things I want to do, what I feel like I need to do in order to be happy and content and at least freaking satisfied.

Life is hard, y'all. And my life isn't even that hard, not compared to the reality of peoples lives out there. But I'm not diminishing what I see as hard, or what someone else sees. Everyone has their own version of what a hard life looks like.

ANYWAY, off that tangent.

The need to be doing something productive is hitting hard with me. But I can't start videos until I learn how to edit. And really I need a lot more time for that kind of thing. So it might have to wait until summer. I feel like I'm always saying that. But it is really something I want to do, so I think it will happen, one way or another.

The exercise thing I could totally be accomplishing on my own, but laziness and tiredness get in the way. When I do have the energy to do something good for myself, I don't because I want to relax instead of moving. Definitely a project for improving my self worth.

Writing and reading... That one I do all the time! I'm reading a book called My Paris Dream by Kate Betts, and I absolutely LOVE it. I raved about it on my Instagram. I'll probably do a post on it. I need to make posts for several books. Honestly it'd be easier just to video... I wonder if I'm able to just post my videos on here? That would be a good transition.. Then I don't have to be so wrapped up in what I want my channel to look like, cause I already have a feel and view of what my blog is. I can't believe I've never thought of that before... Hmm.
Oh yeah writing! I'm doing lots of that. I started a book recently, and I'm attempting to force myself to only write that. It's super hard. During the Halloween month, I kept getting distracted by ideas for witches. As soon as October was over, so was the witch thing. However, I recently stumbled across an old story of mine and holy crap! It wasn't bad. I was actually super impressed with my writing. It was the kind of sophisticated writing I wish I had now. Maybe my confidence is faltering. So I am working on both of those, the new story and the old one I discovered the other week.

Okay and the photography craving. I am actually going to take a photography class next semester! I'm super excited for it. Definitely going to learn more than I have ever known. Not much to say about it haha, just excited. Also! There's probably going to be a photo dump post soon. I really love the things I've captured, and I want to share them with my friends:)

Well, I'm not sure there's anything else to talk about. Not interested in discussing the Presidential Election. I'm mourning and hoping these next four years just fly by.

That's all for now.
Keep being fresh and tune in next week!
Kaylee



PS- I don't know if you have noticed, but besides spelling, I don't edit my posts. I don't have the patience. Stories? I'll edit those all day long. But there's something about a blog post and essays, I hate editing them. Okay bye!

This is a Title

School started last Tuesday. For the past several weeks I have been extremely busy, preparing to come back to school, coming back to school, working, and figuring my life out. I've made some decisions about my future and I'm pretty nervous, but my family and my friends seem to support me, and they're encouraging me to do what makes me happy. I couldn't be more grateful.

I have five classes this semester, an English class, Human Development, College Algebra (again), and two theatre classes: Beginning Acting and Theatre Speech. I like my classes so far. The English one is gonna be a bit of a toughy though this semester. I really like my math teacher. The Human Development class is giving me the opportunity to volunteer at the library, and of course I love my theatre classes.

Work is okay. I'm annoyed though because I specifically asked not to work the weekends and they have me working Friday through Sunday. I guess I would be more mad if it wasn't good money. Luckily I got covered for my birthday, which is this Sunday. I'm going to be 20! I have to remember to change all the necessary bios around the inter-sphere.

I don't know when I'm going to see Jon again. The last time I saw him was January 3rd and I haven't found anyone to cover me for Valentine's weekend yet. I might be going to South Padre for Spring Break to see my cousin, but if that doesn't work out, I'll take the chance to see Jon instead. Then I have find someone to stay with back here so that I can work during the last bit of break.

I've been in much more of a positive mood lately. I still have trouble getting out of bed some days, but most I can get a move on and keep my energy focused on getting things done. Things seem to be getting better. Which could definitely be attributed to me deciding what I'm doing for the next two years.

That's all for now.
Kaylee

Some Stuff

Welp, life is kinda weird right now. I'm in this place where school is really on the rocks and I'm seriously questioning my path in life. I've been contemplating my major, my college, and all that fun stuff. My mom is trying to support me but you know how older people are. She just wants me to have a job when I graduate, she doesn't care if it doesn't follow along with my dreams.

Right now I'm an English major with teaching and a theatre minor. At this point in my life, I don't want to be a teacher. I haven't wanted to be a teacher since I was in tenth grade, but I did it because that's what my mom would want. Now I'm thinking about architecture and interior design. You know that show Fixer Upper? Yeah, that's what I want to do. Remodel old houses and buildings. Of course, I still want to write. Write everything and anything.

But I don't know what to do. There is only one school that does all three things I want. But it's in Georgia and it's an arts school. And the more I think about leaving the English department at SFA and leaving the sorority, the more sad it makes me. But it also makes a lot of fucking sense for my life right now. I'm not sure at all what I want to do or what decision to make. I wish my mom and Jon would speak up more about their opinions.

Anyway, my YouTube channel isn't happening for a while. Jon and I didn't film anything, but I'm also looking into a new laptop, which means I can do my own videos. Before I can even get a new laptop though I have to get an external hard drive to put all the important shit on this laptop so I don't lose my stuff.

Also, you probably noticed I didn't post last week. I was with Jon, and I was just trying to focus on my boyfriend and spending time with him. I'm not going to see him again until Valentine's Day so I just wanted to be with him. It was kinda a hard week, we fought a lot, but I think it was all good. We were able to talk about, and deal with things that are important to each other and the relationship. Hopefully we can make it through this next month, but I know it's going to be hard.

That's it for now guys. See ya next week!

Soon it Ends

I'll be leaving for school tomorrow and I'm so totally mixed up about it. While it's exciting to be headed back to Nac, and to see all my friends again, I'm definitely gonna miss home. It's hard being away from everybody, especially my mom. But at the same time, it'll be nice to be away from her for a little bit.

I had lunch with my brother, sister-in-law, and niece today. When we said our goodbyes I almost cried. Home is where my family is, and while I have a new family in Nac and a lot of friends, these are the most important people in my life. Split between my family, my friends, and my boyfriend, I wish I could us all on an island and pretend it's normal. I'm excited for dorm life, sorority, and school, I swear... but nothing beats sitting at home with my mom and Jon.

Speaking of, boyfriend and I have been on crazy terms recently. We've fought a lot. He started classes on Monday, and is working his new job. It's like I never talk to him anymore. It's been really hard trying to stay positive when I miss him so much and am feeling abandoned. He's decided I'm gonna drive out to him during labor day weekend. He said he'd pay for my gas so I couldn't help but agree. But god, I miss him so much. I cry almost every day because it's so hard being away from him. Every chance I get to see him I'm going to take. I can't wait for summer to come back around.

Hopefully getting a job in Nac won't take too long. I'm gonna apply to any and every place, especially places where I already have friends. I have to have a job this semester with mom and I having car payments and insurance. It's going to be hard and I have to put off theatre again, but I know I could use the job force experience.

When it comes to school, I'm most excited for my English class. While the topic isn't the best, I heard my teacher absolutely loves what he teaches, and he's amazing. That's really important to me when it comes to teachers. If they don't love what they do, or aren't visibly enjoying what they're teaching, I hate the class. I want someone to teach me who likes what they're doing, and better yet, adores it beyond anything. I guess I like that so much, because that's the kind of teacher I want to be. Nothing inspires students more, than the teachers who love what they're doing.

Y'all stay fresh y'all.
Kaylee

Time to Talk

Well I'm home. I've certainly missed it, especially my little puppy. It's great being home, but I'm sure gonna miss spending my summer with my boyfriend in our own little place. Jon is still home, at his mom's, but he'll be going back Wednesday morning with a moving truck and a bunch of furniture from his grandparents. I don't even know what I'm gonna when he leaves. He means so much to me and helps me out so much with my anxiety and my depression... It's just gonna be really hard not being by his side every day, like I was during the summer. I guess I just gotta learn to readjust all over again.

So I have a few weeks home before I gotta go back to school. Remember back in the day when I was trying to sell my car? Well... that didn't happen. So instead we started looking at dealerships online. Luckily I found one right away. It was a 2004 Honda, a hatchback like what I wanted, and looked super cute. It was also affordable for my mom and I. Unfortunately, it had over 150,000 miles and the dealership people weren't very friendly. But I did really like the car, so we started talking numbers. Well it turned out that the dealership wouldn't be willing to help us with financing, so as we sat waiting on the guy to bring us more information, I looked up another dealership.

This turned out to be a great idea. Online I found a 2003 Ford that was $200 cheaper and had almost 20,000 less miles. So we headed over to that dealer and test drove it . It was horrible. It was kinda small, it shook, and and the brakes were scary slow to stop the car. I hated it. I was scared to drive it when we took it out. So the guy took us around the lot to look at cars. My mom and I decided on the same one. It's a 2004 Dodge Durango. It's huge, it's pretty, and it only has 98,000 miles on it. The biggest problems with it were the price (almost $10,000) and gas mileage (14/19 -_-). However, after sitting down and talking numbers with this dealership, we not only got the price down, but the payments ended up being exactly $1 less than what mom wrote down that we could afford. Everything is turning out perfect, and if everything goes right, we'll be picking up the car tomorrow (Wednesday). So please send positive thoughts, vibes, and prayers.

Tomorrow I'll be saying goodbye to my love for over a month, I'll be starting a new journey with a new car, and I'll be taking time to start organizing and packing for college. Even though I don't want to do it, it's the best thing to do. Wish me luck as I start on my pile of stuff!

Peace out nerds;)
Kaylee

I don't know what to do. It's like when we're in person, everything is great and wonderful. But if we aren't around each other, if we're those four and a half hours apart, nothing is the same. It's all gone. The emotions, the feelings, the love. It's like it disappeared right under our fingertips.

I want to love him. I want him to love me. And I want to be together more than anything. But all this time apart feels like it's tearing us apart.

Sometimes I have a hard time even telling him I love him anymore. Cause I feel like he doesn't see it or doesn't read it. I don't to feel like that. But it happens every day.

I'm trying to figure out if I should tell him or just keep it to myself. It's so hard to understand and I don't want to hurt him, but I have to do something. I can't continue to feel like this. It's horrible and driving me crazy. I'm tired of crying and being scared all the time. I just want things to be okay. I want things to be nice and normal and back to regular. I don't want to feel like it's going away or fading out. I want to feel that love forever.