Being Adult-ish

I think being an adult is probably one of the hardest things to do. Being a kid and being a teenager is pretty easy, or it can be sometimes. But since I've become an "adult," so many things have become so much harder. Even my anxiety has gotten worse. I cry at least once a day now, because of the pressures of acting like an adult, being an adult, taking care of responsibilities like an adult.

So we all remember that I just got a new job? Well, I was told I would be working four days a week, which would've been perfect, income-wise. So far I've worked three weeks, two of those I worked three days, and this week I've only worked two. I can't pay my phone bill till the 1st of July, and I'm not sure what's going to happen with my car payment. Also I have defensive driving stuff to take care of, which is not only more money, but more time that I simply don't have.

Now, I'm not saying I don't like being an adult, because I do. Honestly. The problem is transitioning. My mom and I never had that much money in the first place, but we always made it through our hardest situations. But I don't have her help out here, for several reasons. 1. Shecan't afford it. 2. I don't want to ask to her. 3. She already paid for everything for the first 18 years of my life, it's my turn to start paying. I'm 20 after all, and if I can't pay my own tickets, my car payments, or my phone bill, where will I be when I'm 25, or 30?

Being an adult is really fucking hard. Making payments, buying groceries and gas, making sure the pets are taken care of, making sure you're not spending money on stupid things. That's being an adult. Realizing you have responsibilities and that if you don't take care of them, no one will. It's welcoming the fact that you're on your own, not as a bad thing, but as a stepping stone to becoming a responsible human being.

I can barely pay my bills, but I am paying them. And someday I won't be struggling. Someday the budget on paper will work out as good in real life. But for now, I'll buckle up, find a second job, and plow through life as carefully as possible.

You guys stay fresh.
Kaylee