I hate this day. Everything decided to go wrong at once. My classes were fine, those were a breeze, even though I had been up until 5 AM putting together a project a piece for them. Again, classes were not the problem.

Found out Jon won't be coming to my sorority formal, and I'll only be able to see him for one day during April. Not that he bothered to explain why.

And that was the first thing that happened to me when I woke up.

I left my first class to find my car getting a parking ticket. Appealing that bullshit.

I was then late to my second class, but it was fine because she hadn't started anything yet. The project in that class went perfectly.

And then, for god knows what reason, hell decided it was going to make me its bitch. Besides being disappointed because of two things my boyfriend did, I also found out that some information was given to me wrong regarding a sorority event but I had already told the person covering for me that he didn't need to. I've been searching for someone to take my shift since 3 this afternoon.

That's not even the worst of it.

I just need someone to cover me for THREE HOURS but none of those fuckers will do it. So I have to miss out on something really important to me because my fucking co-workers are all assholes. I'm not asking for that much. It's three freaking hours and you get to go back to your life before anything exciting starts.

This has been one of the worst days I've had. I'm trying not to cry in the middle of the library while I type. This is the first time I've wanted to hurt myself in months. I'm just feeling so angry and sad and my anxiety is on a fucking roller coaster. I'm so tired of this fucking place. I can't wait until I'm home.

I'm just so done.



There's no editing and I'm not sharing it. If you happen to check my blog (since I didn't update on Monday), you'll see it. Otherwise, that's it.

Kaylee.

In Which Kaylee Describes Her Awesome Week

Soooo, some pretty cool stuff happened to me the past two weeks. First is that I purchased a plane ticket for South Padre. I haven't been on a plane since I was in the forth grade, so this is going to be quite an experience for me. Luckily the flight is only about an hour and a half. I'm very excited to see my cousin soon. Though I only get a few days with her, it's going to be awesome. And hopefully, by next summer, I can make my way out there again. Then we can go out to bars, and have a real Padre experience.

Second, I got my writing mojo back. I'm actually writing again -sparsely- and it feels so good. I get excited to write these posts, and I write them early because I want to get it all out. This feeling, and energy for writing is so good. I hope it decides to stay for a while.

Third, I read two books in about a week and a half! I'd been nibbling my way through Remembrance (by Meg Cabot, http://www.megcabot.com/) and was under halfway through, when all of a sudden on Monday I started chomping at it. By Tuesday I was over halfway done, and then at 5 AM, early on Wednesday morning, I finished the book, tears forming in my eyes. By lunch that day, I was nearly halfway through another book. I didn't get much time for reading on Thursday or Friday, but between the hours of 12 AM and 3 AM on Saturday morning, I finished Howl's Moving Castle (by Diana Wynne Jones, it's also a Studio Ghibli anime). It was my second time reading this book, and god did I pick up on things a lot more clearly. I'd love to do a thorough analysis and critic of the book. I might start it later this week and post it on the blog.

Fourth, the most important.... Two of my famous people actually noticed me. I tweeted out after I finished Remembrance about how great it was, and Meg Cabot, the real one, actually liked my tweet. Not only that, but she also followed me! (I'm sure it's publicists or whatever, but let me DREAM.)

And then early this morning (it's currently 3:30 AM), I took a picture of a poster my friends found and tweeted out to Toby Turner (better known as Tobuscus on YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/user/Tobuscus) and he liked it! I know it was actually him and not a publicist because he's not famous enough yet to need someone to monitor his social media. And that makes it even cooler!

While those things may seem small, they make me incredibly happy. It was such an experience to realize that people you consider to be rock stars and celebrities actually took the time to notice you for ten seconds. I felt so good, and that's what matters.

Y'all have a great day.
Kaylee

40th Post

Congratulations! We've made it to 40 posts. I can't believe it, can you? It's taken us almost a year and a half to get to here, and honestly, it took way too long. I should've been at 40 posts a long time ago. But we can't change the past, we can only look forward.

A lot of things are happening for me this semester: getting a Little, acting again, leaving the sorority, going to South Padre, and making a decision that will utterly change my future. And for once, this amount of change isn't scaring me. I'm actually excited for everything that's about to happen. I just want it to happen already. In another year's time I could be almost done with my basics and applying for SCAD (and other schools).

I'm so looking forward to this year. When school is over, I'll be with Jon again during the summer. The focus of the summer is going to be saving money, and looking for him a new apartment. There's just too many problems with the one he's in right now. Hopefully the summer will also give me the time I need to start up a YouTube account. I'm thinking blog for personal, YouTube for discussing certain topics, and then I also started a vine at Chey's urging. I gots myself a few followers:)

I'm feeling so good about things recently. I haven't been feeling depressed, though the anxiety is still pretty high. Also Jon and I are in a weird place. We barely talk at all, because our schedules just don't sync up. It's a little disheartening, but I need to focus on thinking about the positives. Ugh, I miss him lots.

Last night, I was looking at some pictures from my junior and senior year of high school. God, I don't know what happened. Besides laziness and college. I was never skinny, but at least I looked a lot better. I was a size 14, average for women nationally, and for my height. I cut sodas out about three weeks ago. Sometimes it's hard not to be tempted, but the cravings and headaches are gone. I wanted to make this big plan for my diet (which is my worst problem) to start with cutting soda, and then red meat, and eventually all sugar entirely. But I don't think I'll be able to accomplish that as soon as I'd like. Instead, I've made the decision of no more fast food. That's hard as a college student who works until midnight and isn't able to grab dinner from the cafeteria. I bought groceries a couple weeks ago and I've mostly let them go to waste except for the easy things and snack foods. Realizing how much fast food I eat in a week, I know that I can't do it anymore. It's horrible food and it's horrible for the body. Not that it doesn't taste good. But my health is so much more important than if my food tastes like cheesy goodness. Here's to making positive changes!

I really enjoyed writing this post. It's even going out early. I just feel so confident and so comfortable. I don't know the last time I felt this GOOD about life. I'm actually on the verge of tears right now. Life can be so good if you let it. You need to make changes that are good for you, make changes that will benefit you as a person, and make changes that make you happy. Leaving SFA is going to be really hard, but I'm doing it in the pursuit of my passions. I couldn't be more scared, but I'm also overwhelmingly HAPPY.

This feeling is incredible.

Happy 40th guys,
Kaylee

Some New Things

Alright so I am no longer inactive in my sorority. Since this is going to be my last semester at SFA I wanted to be active and a part of the girls who mean so much to me. I'm also going to get a Little. Yeah I won't be there for her active years but I'll still have someone who can look up to me and I can visit for banquets and formals. I'm seeking alumniship so that I don't have to just drop the sorority. This way I can still be a part and be kinda active through the years. 

This also means I have officially decided to leave SFA after this semester. I'll be going home to finish my basics at our community college and then I'll start applying for other schools but the main focus is on SCAD. I have a bunch of ideas for how I'm going to build up my portfolio. I'm really excited for this entire process to begin. 

I actually get to see Jon. We'll be spending Valentine's weekend together. I'm super excited. I haven't seen him in over a month. I miss him so much. It'll be really nice to see my babe. 

I bought two books on Sunday night, and I just bought two more last night. I don't need them but I do need them, ya know? Oh and I'll be buying a new laptop on Thursday. The cover is starting to split on mine so I'm getting scared of using it. Hopefully the new one will last as long as this one did. We had a good five years together. That's pretty impressive for technology. 

Anyway, that's it for now. Sorry this is late. 

Kaylee 

This is a Title

School started last Tuesday. For the past several weeks I have been extremely busy, preparing to come back to school, coming back to school, working, and figuring my life out. I've made some decisions about my future and I'm pretty nervous, but my family and my friends seem to support me, and they're encouraging me to do what makes me happy. I couldn't be more grateful.

I have five classes this semester, an English class, Human Development, College Algebra (again), and two theatre classes: Beginning Acting and Theatre Speech. I like my classes so far. The English one is gonna be a bit of a toughy though this semester. I really like my math teacher. The Human Development class is giving me the opportunity to volunteer at the library, and of course I love my theatre classes.

Work is okay. I'm annoyed though because I specifically asked not to work the weekends and they have me working Friday through Sunday. I guess I would be more mad if it wasn't good money. Luckily I got covered for my birthday, which is this Sunday. I'm going to be 20! I have to remember to change all the necessary bios around the inter-sphere.

I don't know when I'm going to see Jon again. The last time I saw him was January 3rd and I haven't found anyone to cover me for Valentine's weekend yet. I might be going to South Padre for Spring Break to see my cousin, but if that doesn't work out, I'll take the chance to see Jon instead. Then I have find someone to stay with back here so that I can work during the last bit of break.

I've been in much more of a positive mood lately. I still have trouble getting out of bed some days, but most I can get a move on and keep my energy focused on getting things done. Things seem to be getting better. Which could definitely be attributed to me deciding what I'm doing for the next two years.

That's all for now.
Kaylee