My Kinda Goodbye to Nac

I was going to write a farewell to Nacogdoches and all my friends, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I know it's going to make me cry. So instead all I have to say is: Nac you were wonderful. You provided a place for me to learn and grow and meet lots of amazing people. Friends, thank you for being by my side and loving me and showing me what a sisterhood is. Friends from Jimmy John's, thank you guys for being my first work friends, for being patient, and for letting me laugh and work with all of you.

I know I was only there for two years, but it seemed like a lifetime. In all the best of ways. And though it could be months before I'm there again, I will think about Nac and my friends all the time. Because they changed me. They made me better.

As I start new adventures, I have to thank the place and people that were my first adventure, the beginning of my long journey. It was in Nac that I realized what I wanted to do with my life, and if I hadn't made a stop there, I don't know where I would be. Thank you.

Guys that's all I can say before I burst into tears and call Chey bawling.

Stay fresher than most.
Kaylee

Hi Friends

I was going to write a post about how things have been recently, but too much has happened for me to put in a simple post right now. I literally don't have the patience. So instead, I thought I would do something fun.

A lot of you are my family and friends, but I know that I do also get audience from Google+ and Twitter, possibly from people who don't know me that well. Even my friends and family may not know me that well. So I'm going to talk about myself, give some facts, maybe some favorites, and a little about my life. Things that you don't already know obviously.

• My name is Kaylynn, but on the blog I go by Kaylee. On my other social media, it's Kaylie. "Kaylee" is my dad's spelling of the name, and when I first created the blog, I wanted to distance my every day life from it. But now I believe it is a part of me. So I embrace Kaylee and Kaylie. 
• If you want to find me on social media, my username for almost everything is kaylie153. My Tumblr is keeperkeys. 
• I am 20 years old, and impatiently awaiting my 21st.
• I have four pets at home: Little Dog, the long haired chihuahua; Zou-Zou (or Kitty), the cat; Gizmo, the shih tzu; and Cassidy, the German Shepherd mix.
• I live in Texas, born and raised.
• I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 and a half years.
• There are over ten cities on my list of places I want to live for at least six months. (Idea for a blog post?)
• My favorite color is purple.
• My favorite number is 9 because it was my favorite age. 
• My friends mean everything to me.
• Here's something I really don't want my mom to see: I'm Agnostic.
• I love all music except rap. Well most rap anyway.
• I'm pretty good with trivia. Jon and I are beasts at Heads Up.
• I want a YouTube channel more and more every day.
• I want to publish a book.
• I want to graduate college before I'm 27. (By the way I changed it again. There will be a post about it soon!)
• Sometimes my posts are late because I get too depressed to write anything.
• My favorite video games are Dynasty Warriors 4 and Max Payne (the first one) because they were games my brothers introduced me to.
• I look up to my brothers even when they're idiots.
• My mom is my best friend.
• Not counting my best friends and Jon.
• There's a lot I want to do in life and I'm so afraid I won't accomplish anything.

Well there's some things. It looks really long but there could've been more. I didn't know how detailed or what things were appropriate. Plus I don't know who all will read this, so I couldn't put some of the things on here that I feel are funny or important about me. While this might be boring, I hope it can show you a bit more about me, my person, and hopefully open up a dialogue between us if you found something of interest. I tried not to repeat myself about some things, so I didn't bother listing that I love books, movies, and photography. 

Expect the post about major change/SCAD soon!

Stay fresh y'all!

Kaylee

Exciting News!!!!

So I have some exciting news! I'm adopting a dog! Her name is Cassidy, she's a German Shepard mix, and she's one and half years old. She's a sweet baby and I'm so grateful that I get to be the one who becomes her forever home. I am so excited for this adventure. I will have two babies, and I know it's going to be amazing. 

I got the call this morning from the Humane Society in Lufkin. She told me my application was approved and I'm going to get her tomorrow! Shout out to the Winnie Berry Humane Society of Angelina County. They run a wonderful organization that takes adoption very seriously. Their adoption fees include vaccinations and a microchip. They also call your Vet to make sure the pet is being taken to get their vaccs and heart worm prevention. They take animals health so seriously. I feel honored and proud that I was chosen to get to take her home. 

Cassidy was a seizure dog. Basically this means she was taken from the home she lived in because they were not taking care of her. She isn't completely potty-trained either. The fact she was seized from her home makes the fact they chose me even more amazing. They were making it a priority that the home she went to was one where she wouldn't be given up again or not being taken care of. 

I'm just so happy I get to have her as my dog. It's an amazing feeling. 

Sorry this is so short. I just wanted to gush about my dog. 

Kaylee

Anxiety

I've talked about my anxiety before. The anxiety, the depression, and how those things make me feel. But I've never really discussed how my anxiety effects me, how I react to it, or what the results of an attack are. Everyone experiences their anxiety in different ways. If someone is prone to anxiety attacks, their attacks will effect them differently and they'll react differently from someone else. This is an important topic and something that is very close to me and effects me as a person. 

Besides my anxiety, I have pretty bad anger management issues. From my experience, my anxiety tends to exasperate my anger. I get upset about something messing up, not going my way, or something I just can't wrap my head around, and my anger gets the best of me. Depending on how much it effects me, I will tend to have bouts of screaming, I've scratched myself, pulled my hair, thrown things and slapped myself and other objects in my rage. And while all of that anger is happening, I'm also hyperventilating, crying, and my brain is going a millions miles a minute. My anxiety can get so out of control it triggers the anger in order to gain some kind of control. If I'm angry, I should be in control, right? 

On Saturday, halfway through my regular shift, I began to panic. It was over something really stupid, a misunderstanding between Jon and me. As I became more anxious I started to get angry. The first panic attack ended because I dug my nails into my arm until I could breathe. The second one I wasn't able to end, even though I left red scratch marks on my neck and pulled my hair. The pain can usually snap me out of things, force me to calm down and breathe. I don't condone self harm as a viable method for calming yourself down. But it wasn't until something funny happened in the store that allowed me to laugh and forget what I was so upset about. 

I decided to share about my anxiety because it's a huge part of who I am. Even if it's not something I love or would even like to live with, it's a part of me and I must deal every day with it. It's important for people to know there are others out there who struggle like they do. I struggle every day to keep myself calm, and I wish I had someone I could talk to openly about my anxiety and anger, but I just don't have time to see a counselor now.

I've gotten the suggestion of pills, someone even specifically asked me to talk to my doctor, but I don't want to. I don't want to rely on a pill to make me feel better, to keep me from panicking and getting angry. That control should come from me. Even if it's really hard. 

I hope there are people out there who can relate to this and will find some comfort that they're not alone. If anyone has questions or just wants to talk, feel free to message me through Google+. 

Thanks guys,

Kaylee

PS- I am going to start the process of setting up a blog email for questions and things of that nature. I don't want to use my google email for blog business. 

New Post

I'm supposed to have a post out today. I didn't realize I was so far behind. Last week's post was mostly just a way for me to get some feelings out. The last actual post was on the seventh of March and then I had two vacations.

For spring break I went to South Padre Island to visit my cousin. It was pretty fun. I spent time with my cousin, her boyfriend, and a little bit with her mom. We mostly just hung out, went to the beach, and tried to find some kind of party every night. We weren't always successful. I was just happy to spend time with her.

For Easter break I went to Jon's. We spent almost the entire weekend in the apartment. Thursday and Friday he worked, but on Saturday we went into Austin so we could go to IKEA and do some shopping. Sunday was a lazy day. We spent it with our butts on the couch. It was nice getting some time with him. 

April is going to be a lot of working. This week I work five days in a row. I haven't worked that consistently in a long time. I'm not looking forward to it. It's going to be hard and tiring. And the weekend after I'm switching shifts around with someone and I have auditions for my Beginning Acting class. But then the glorious weekend of the 22nd-24th. I'm working Thursday, but I'll be going home for the weekend cause I have a party. I was originally going to go see my best friend that weekend but my aunt was asking me to come, and my other aunt is possibly bringing me furniture. I'll also get to see Jon for a day. It'll be the one and only day I see him between March 27th and a week after school gets out. Almost two months. 

I really don't have much to say. This is just kind of a catch up from the last few weeks. I'd still like to do an analysis of Howl's Moving Castle, but I'm going to need some time for that. I just don't have it in me right now. Maybe in a couple weeks. 

That's all for now. 

Stay fresh ya dorks. 

Kaylee