I don't know what to do. It's like when we're in person, everything is great and wonderful. But if we aren't around each other, if we're those four and a half hours apart, nothing is the same. It's all gone. The emotions, the feelings, the love. It's like it disappeared right under our fingertips.

I want to love him. I want him to love me. And I want to be together more than anything. But all this time apart feels like it's tearing us apart.

Sometimes I have a hard time even telling him I love him anymore. Cause I feel like he doesn't see it or doesn't read it. I don't to feel like that. But it happens every day.

I'm trying to figure out if I should tell him or just keep it to myself. It's so hard to understand and I don't want to hurt him, but I have to do something. I can't continue to feel like this. It's horrible and driving me crazy. I'm tired of crying and being scared all the time. I just want things to be okay. I want things to be nice and normal and back to regular. I don't want to feel like it's going away or fading out. I want to feel that love forever.

It's hard being green..

So today my boyfriend probably had the most adult experience of his life: he couldn't find his tax forms. They weren't on the computer, in his email, they weren't anywhere. So my suggestion? To ask his mom. Apparently that's the worst option of all time. He didn't want to ask her "again" because he felt as though he was "failing at being an adult." I didn't know what to say back to him for the longest time. Then the words came to me and I responded that he wasn't a failure and that it was his first time really being on his own. Then I said that he shouldn't feel ashamed to call his mom for help, cause I called mine crying at least once a week. After about ten minutes he triumphantly texted: "I FOUND THEM!! FUCK YEAH!!!" and everything was right in the universe once again.

But this whole situation got me thinking. Why are we so afraid of asking for help? As children we're encouraged to ask for help and to not be afraid to ask questions. At what point do we start to believe that it makes us immature and dumb to ask for anything?

I have the hardest time asking teachers for help. I know I do. But that comes from years of training myself that what I ask is stupid. Do other people do that too? Is it just instilled in us during junior high that we can't ask questions anymore?

This post is filled to the brim with questions maybe no one can answer. It's such a wonderful and big world we live in. It's our duty to get out there and find out everything we can about it. But we can't do that without asking questions or asking for help.

No one should feel ashamed to ask their mother for help because they lost something "again." No one should fear asking the teacher a questions, even if it's a simple one. They always say there are no stupid questions, but people will turn around and say that's stupid. But it isn't. Questions are important. Without questions there would be no scientific discoveries, we wouldn't know about cultures, or languages, or what's on the moon. Without questions we can't ask for help. Without help, we can't achieve anything.

No one is alone in this world. I'm making it my goal from now on to ask questions, even if I'm scared. It's my duty to educate myself and to help myself, and others, understand this world. I believe that no question is stupid.

No one should be afraid.

Pictures

So last week I said I might post some pictures of the most influential places I've ever been. Red Valley, Arizona is where I found my writing voice and where my journey toward a traveler began. So here are some of my favorite pictures of my last visit to the mountain and desert reservation. I hope you enjoy them.

Photo cred to myself.

Kaylee

I Love to Write

Today's Google picture is probably one of my favorite of all time. I love the Eiffel Tower. I've never been to Paris or France (or even out of the country), but I've always wanted to see those places. As a writer (and a photographer) I love traveling, pictures, people, and experiencing different cultures. Though I haven't been many places that are different from my every day life, my passion for writing didn't begin until my first mission trip to a Navajo Reservation. We camped on a mountain for a week and it was gorgeous out there. It was sorta like being in two places at once. We'd go down the mountain and be in the desert, but as soon as the elevation began to rise, there were pine trees and green every where. The view from our bluff was unbelievable. Maybe I'll upload a picture some other time.

This post may already seem haywire and like I'm telling five different different stories at once, but I promise I'm not. My point is to touch on the fact that my life goal is to see the world. But not only to travel and eat and meet people, but I want to write about it. I love writing, I love talking and I love eating (my thighs can attest to that). My dream come true would be to travel and write about my experiences.

The reason I mentioned the Google homepage picture is because Paris is the one place I've ALWAYS wanted to see. I know the French tend to hate the Americans and I don't know a bit of French, but it's always been beautiful to me. The day I get to set foot into Paris, the day I can climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower, that day I would be able to die beyond happy and content.

My point in all this is just to highlight my love of writing and traveling. Again, my life goal is to the world, the cultures, the food, the people, and all the amazing sights that are in this world. I want to write about them, document them, put my stamp in magazines and journals and show people what is out there. Instead of reading about people's adventures, I want to write them, I want to live them.

I want to be all I've ever wanted. And that's fresh. Just like you.

Google Homepage, March 31, 2015

Back in Green

So last week was Spring Break. I spent half of it with my mom and half with Jon. It went by incredibly too fast, but it was still nice to get an entire week off from school and away from all the stress it brings. In just a week and a half, I will be at Jon's again for almost a week during Easter Break. And then the next weekend I'll be home again for my mom's birthday. Just a month after that, we will be completing finals and then school will be over and I'll be in the Austin area for the summer.

I could stay on campus for Easter Break, but it would end up costing more than just going to Jon's. Besides, if I don't see him then, I won't see him at all again until I move in for the summer. And that's not flying with me.

The week before Spring Break, we had midterms. I made 90 or above on every single one.. except for Algebra. I'm honestly worried about failing it, but it just doesn't click. I'd ask for a tutor, but there are none left this late in the school year and I can't compute what the teacher says, so seeing her isn't an option. I'm just praying for this semester to end on a good note. My goal was to get my GPA up, but I'm very worried Algebra is going to bring it way down.

On a brighter note, sorority stuff is going well. I'm feeling good about it and all the girls are so lovely. I definitely feel it was a good choice for me. Sometimes it feels like it's taking up too much time, but in the end, it'll be worth it.

Okay, well, that's all for now. Send positive vibes my way y'all.

Stay super cool and super fresh,
Kaylee