Trials

Sometimes I don't get it. I don't get college, life, relationships, or all the things in between. These things don't make sense I find no real reason or place for them. It's like they belong and don't compute properly. All of that stuff takes so much energy, i wonder why we just don't all sit on our couches and veg until our brains rot out and we die. Definitely would be simpler.

I guess it's all the temptations life has to offer that keeps everyone trying and surviving and grinding out day after day so they can be rewarded and feel like their contribution to this world meant something. And I can understand that. That's why I'm continuing in school, that's why I'm gonna get my doctorate eventually. Because I want to feel like I've accomplished something and like I'm gonna change at least one person's life.

Of course the other wonderful solution is just to give up, collect money, and just travel until I find myself. There's so much stuff out there to explore, to see, to do, to eat, to love, to hate. There's so much stuff and I could be out there instead of in here at a tiny cramped desk wishing my room wasn't so cold. But there are commitments, you know? Everyone has their commitments to something so they can't just take off. Mine are to my mom (finishing college), and to a boy (staying together for the long haul). And it's hard. It's hard to stay committed and on the right path cause there are so many distractions. Sleeping late, skipping classes, traveling instead of studying, being independent, constantly avoiding getting hurt, not having to try. So many things jump in our way and it's a great decision to either follow them or go around.

If you follow, you could lose everything that keeps you grounded. You'd have nothing. But if you ignore them, you  lose that chance, that opportunity to try something and be someone different.

I guess that's why we all try to keep it neutral. We all try to find the right balance, between making independent decisions for ourselves, and staying true to our original path we've set. If you do make a detour, sometimes they lead you to where you're supposed to be. And some are just a distraction to keep you from your goals and your connections.

There's not really a point or conclusion to this post. It's kinda all over the place. That's what my head is like right now. So many different things going on and I don't know what to focus on or what to try and resolve. Things seem kinda bleak right now. I have no idea where I'm headed or I'm doing. And it's only my second week.

Guys... stay fresh.